why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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