I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
