I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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