Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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