Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
