he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Found your dick twin last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
