Only a mothe r could love this liver
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
