there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
