If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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