I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
