watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
