also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
