Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
