airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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