Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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