i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
