# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
