You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
