Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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