New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize