I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
