this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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