You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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