Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize