Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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