my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
