i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Boobs are out for the taking
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry about my life...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
