All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk is a universal language darling
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
