Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
