I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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