I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
