Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
