When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
