I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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