Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
