i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
