If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
