he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize