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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again

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• (714): View more from California

  you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position

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• (714): View more from California

  I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

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• (916): View more from California

  All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.

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• (889): View more from

  There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?

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