I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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