I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
