I'm eating all of the evidence.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
