Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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