I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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