I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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