She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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