When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
