Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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