When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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