Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
