I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
