True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
