I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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