is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he puts the penis in happiness.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
