a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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