I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
