Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
