Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
