and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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