meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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