I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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