I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
