Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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