Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
