When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
