listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
