Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
