That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
