She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
