everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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