3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
